Thursday, February 23, 2012

The return of the rad.

     Nuts!  Our house has this really big window over our entry way.  At night, we can see what's going on in the kids bathroom upstairs through the reflection in that window.  It's actually really awesome for Ryan and I to "catch" the boys.  They've yet to figure out that if they close the door,  mama and daddy won't be able to know what's going on from the living room.  We're planning on an "door open policy" until at least 14...
     The "nuts" is our frustration because from the reflection, we could see Zeke peeking into a Sonic cup that was sitting on the bathroom counter.  I hollered up to him what he was doing and he said something about "lemonade got in the bathroom."  I don't need to spell this out for you.  Not long after the "lemonade" puddle on the floor, counter and in the Sonic cup was cleaned up, Etienne had indeed confessed.  Nuts for the disgusting, gross behavior that is more of a toddler than a boy.  Yippee for honesty!  He went around the topic for a few stumbling sentences, but eventually gave us an indirect confession.  And now I have a ridiculously clean bathroom again.
    Nuts part 2.  He also broke Zeke's bed yesterday again by jumping on it.  The "lemonade" and the bed jumping all happened while with the sitter,Laurel, who was excited to give us a good report, was here.  He is so sneaky and so manipulative and she felt really awful that he did this nonsense under the radar and on her watch.  She has known him since he has been home, she loves him (and us)well.  It's just the true nature of RAD.  But it isn't Etiennne's heart.  It isn't who he wants to be.
   I left for Ash Wednesday service fuming.  Disappointed that after over a week of mostly great behavior, we were somehow back peddling.  Angry at myself for raising my voice over pee on the floor.  Sad for Laurel that he had deceived her.  Ugh.  I spent the next hour tearful and in prayer.  I was thinking about when Jesus spent 40 days in the desert, alone, not even tempted by earthly needs,  and how that needs to be me right now.  Obviously, I can't drop everything and head to Yuma, but  I can repent and I can sacrifice.  
  You see, as a kid, all I knew of Lent was that my Catholic friends stopped eating candy and the cafeteria served fish sticks on Friday.  Now, as an adult humbled by my life, I want this time to be about me turning solely to God  and preparing my heart for Him.  And Etienne's attachment disorder always leads me to that place once again.   It's really easy, after a full night's sleep and encouraging words from a preschool teacher, to think I've got this mom thing sort of figured out.  The lemonade and the flip-flopped mattress were my reminder that, clearly, my heart needs repentance and prayer as much as always.  In short, I am thankful for that stinkin' attachment disorder, in an indirect kinda way.

1 comment:

  1. wow. i get this more deeply than i think i can even put words to. the honesty (or getting there) factor. the back peddling after thinking maybe we've reached a new level? Lent. and knowing Him more deeply because of him...and being so thankful, and so many other emotions (that AREN'T thankful) all at the same time.