Post adoption is like post partum depression. A lot of families deal with it, but not a lot talk about it. Personally, I think part of this shame is because we wanted this. A family adopting doesn't have an "oops" baby or much a a twinkle in the eye kinda beginning. It's long, it's a lot of paperwork, planning, saving, scheming (it's true, if you've had more than 1 home study, you know what I am talking about), tears, prayers, fundraisers, etc. I really feel like I have had friends that don't have sympathy because they saw me searching in the 11th hour for a notary or working extra shifts to pay for surprise fees. I still want this. I want to love all 4 of my babies unconditionally and without regards, excuses or justification but I am not there yet.
For me, I believe that my boy's struggle is because in his core, he thinks he has to earn love. Our job as his parents is to fight that lie every day until God wins. There are other families like ours, and thankfully, God has used social networking to connect us. Kim Van Brunt is a writer and adoptive mom who talks about real life adoption. She's asked me to blog for her (hoping it's not a one time deal!) Here's the rest of my version of reactive attachment disorder (RAD). http://www.kimvanbrunt.com/2012/02/honestly-guest-post-reactive-attachment-disorder/