Thursday, December 22, 2011

He needed me

     Etienne had an afternoon full of workups to follow up on some of his voiding and incontinence issues and some abnormal lab values (please, don't tell me boys are hard to potty train. Duh. I live with boys.)  It wasn't much fun but at the time, it was his cup of tea to be the center of attention and his mama gave him Bubbalicious.  
   Later in the day, after all of the workups, Etienne was nervous to go to the bathroom.  Understandably.  As he sat in the bathroom, he began to hyperventilate and sob louder than I have ever heard any of my kids cry.  He wanted me to push my hand on his heart and pray with him.  As we prayed, Blake brought in his 'Baby E,' and Zeke and Molly rubbed his head.  Etienne said, "Mommy, mommy," over and over.  Ryan and I were looking at each other and we both realized that we felt like this was the first time that E had ever really wanted us.  Sure, if he skins a knee, he wants me (which even that used to not be the case), but typically, we feel like he wants attention, that it isn't a need for us.  He will ask for me when I am not around, but again, it has felt like attention seeking behavior more than anything.  In our little bathroom, with his whole family there, E needed his mama and daddy.  
     Probably, many of you are thinking I am making a big deal about another Etienne thing.  It's okay if you think that.  I know in my mama gut that we had a moment that I won't forget.  I know in my heart that his cry for me was longing for protection and security.  It was more primal and more natural.   This is a child that all day long says, "Me? Me?" when you are talking about croutons, changing the oil or Newt Gingrich; he is that desperate to be included and to have attention.  So his parents feeling for the first time that they are needed and wanted purely because they are his parents is a big deal.
     Physically, it doesn't really matter if Etienne's kidneys, bladder or pipes are working right or wrong.  God will fix that. And we will continue to find new, clever ways to ensure dryness. At the core is our boy's heart.  I love, love how God uses moments like peeing to get us a little bit closer to our boy and closer to Him.


  1. beautiful. allelujah! i totally get it! praising Him for these sweet, brief moments!