Isolated.

"I call with all my heart, answer me, O Lord, and I will obey your word.  I call out to you; save me and I will keep your statutes.  I rise before dawn and cry for help.  My eyes stay open through the watch of night, that I may meditate on your promises.  Hear my voice in accordance with your love; preserve my life, O Lord, according to Your law."

 -Psalm 119:145-149

     My brother sent me this verse this morning and tonight I prayed that God would just give me sign to remind me that He is present.  I opened my bible and it fell right up to this exact verse.  He's so real right now.  

     The funny thing about this verse and this week is that I have felt very, very alone.  Since I am with all four kiddos 24/7, I can't talk very candidly on the phone to girlfriends or family unless it's late at night (Etienne's behavior is such that he can't be farther than a few feet from me) .  Next: my phone battery keeps randomly shutting down, in the midst of texting or conversation.  Three: Ryan is on West coast time and in class all day which limits big time how much we can talk.  See where I'm going with this?

     I felt utterly alone because I was relying on the things of this world to give me strength and reassurance that I can parent my child.  So my phone has become unreliable, my schedule has isolated me from my support system and the requirements of keeping my home from looking like a battlefield are further separating us from the things of this world.  It's like God had to slap me on the side of the head to remind me that He's here in the midst of this mess.  That at the end of all this, I will only find respite in Him.

     I have some company for the next couple days and I am going to savor every shower that I get with the stall door closed.