Saturday, June 26, 2010

A Bit Grumpy

Lately, I have noticed that I have pretty much stoppped sugar coating anything I share with the rest of the world. I need to pray about this because I don't mean to be quick tempered or sarcastic (Molly likes to play the game "Are you being sarcastic?"). I also find myself more easily frustrated with the general insentivity that people seem to show the Etienne and Ezekiel. This is a problem because insensitivity isn't going to change. It isn't anything new or something I hadn't thought about before deciding to create a transracial family. So I know that's just Satan trying to throw a wrench in something beautiful.
For example, I have been sharing less and less when people ask how we are. Friends that I once considered close will say things such as "Oh, it's just because he's 3," or "They are totally normal now, its amazing." I understand and appreciate that it's meant as encouragement but I am too real for blanket statements. It feels like they are downplaying something that is incredibly heartbreaking to me as much now as it was last fall when everything was still "new." There is an element of truth to the general comments, however, it isn't ok when your 3 year old asks before meals, "Can I eat too?," or when planning an outing, "I get to go too?" And it is more than amazing the transformations that God has performed in my children's life, but my E has yet to learn that he is loved, included and wanted unconditionally now and forever. That is the saddest thing for a mama to realize her baby doesn't know he is loved. On a happy note; Summer has brought some really fun, joyful "firsts." These firsts included but are not limited to:
popsicles, slip and slides, swimming, fireflies, bug bites and corn on the cob. Etienne's love of water is even more fun for us because we vividly remember his terror at taking a bath all of last fall. Fireflies tend to freak the boys out a bit and their smiles while eating corn on the cob speak for themselves.


  1. A warm hello from Calgary, Alberta (Canada),

    I honestly can't remember how I came across your blog but I have been following your family's beautiful international adoption journey for a few months now. I am a full time stay at home Mom to two sweet boys (4 yrs old and 2 1/2 yrs old). My husband is a litigation lawyer and works very long hours. I just wanted to tell you that I think that you are an amazing and loving Mom to all four of your sweet children. I have half the number of children that you have, I am not experiencing the recent complex dynamics of adding two adopted children to my family and lets just say on a 'difficult day' with my boys I am literally living minute to minute to get through the day with any semblance of ‘grace under my belt'. I know how it feels to be the disciplinarian instead of the loving, cuddling, fun Mommy. I admire you and your family immensely for your incredibly kind and loving hearts in choosing to adopt not one but two children (at the same time no less) and further for adopting internationally. You all have fully embraced and opened your hearts so wide to Etienne and Ezekiel. There are no words for the countless and immeasurable gifts that you have given to them - eternal love, an eternal family, a chance at a much better LIFE than they would have had in their home country... I am sorry that the transition has and continues to be very difficult at times. It makes my heart heavy and sad that it is that way for your family (& for other’s in similar situations). Since my husband and I commenced our relationship almost 7 years ago, we have talked on and off about adopting internationally in addition to having biological children. I appreciate that you have been so candid in journaling your international adoption journey. You have 'shown a bright light' for me on how very different the dynamics of international adoption are to domestic adoption. Thank you for the peek into your lives.

    Anyway, I just wanted to send you a big hug from Canada and let you know that I think that you are amazing and that you are in my thoughts.

    Sheila Peacock

  2. I will never forget the day at Sarah's graduation party when E was running around playing and I accidentally stepped backward and bumped into him. I said to him "Oh sorry, precious" and he looked up at me and with complete sincerity said "I'm not precious, I'm Etienne." Someday he will realize he is precious as well as Etienne. Keep doing what you're doing Kara because hopefully time and love will heal all wounds.