Friday, June 18, 2010

His Own Spot

Maybe I'm slow to pinpoint this, but I think that part of our struggle with Etienne is that he doesn't know where he fits yet. Molly is our brilliant girl, Blake is quirky, Zeke is the baby. What is Etienne? I know that he's inquisitive, bright and strong. He seems to be unsure of his spot in the bunch; more unsure now than 6 months ago. And I find myself as doubtful now as I was when we first got home. Mr E tests our love more today than 6 months ago. He longs to please, yet he can't resist pushing every button and bending every rule.
I am hurting so much for him because it feels like he's being discplined all day long. When he is getting disciplined, he is full of remorse and I feel guilty that I have to punish him. Am I being too harsh? I want him to be treated the same as my biological children, so our expectations of his behavior are high, but is that fair? Again, the doubt. I don't feel like a loving mother, just a rule enforcer and boundry setter.
I don't write this to be pessimistic, but to be real for the other families out there who maybe are wondering if they are normal. Although the boys aren't "new" to our friends and loved ones anymore, it's still new to us. I don't share with my non-adoptive friends many of my struggles because I know that they think "it's just being 3," or that by now we should be adjusted. But I am still surviving most days with nothing but Grace.
Yesterday was the first day E and Z experienced a swimming pool! As you can see, it was a hit. We just have to work on developing a little bit of fear of going least for my sake!


  1. I feel the same way with Grace! She has such a deep bond with my husband and not with me (though it is getting better). She pushes buttons with me and does things she knows she's not suppossed to do then laughs about it! I do feel like I discipline her It is hard. I don't know if it is just because she is 3 or her circumstances. She is ornery and very strong willed. Glad to know I am not the only one...

  2. So you have a boy, who is 3, with middle child syndrome, who comes from a hard situation, who is learning all new I feel for you! Just one of those things makes everyday life hard and you have all four! You are one of the nicest, calmest people I have ever met and you will find a way through this. Of course you should make him live by the same rules as all the other children do. Thats how he will feel he belongs to the family.

    He will figure out his place. Maybe not today, or this month, or even this summer, but he will find his way in your world.

  3. Maybe take E out a couple times a month, just the two of your and him.. a special time with his mom and dad, one on one time! Build him up like crazy, help him realize how unique and amazing he is as an individual. Just a thought, I don't have kids.. so, I may not have a clue about what I'm talking about, ha. My God continue to bless you're family, and work in your children's lives! :)