Sometimes I am overjoyed....

Somestimes I am overjoyed. I am overjoyed that Zeke wants me to hold him ALL the time and have decided not to keep this a secret. My parenting style prior to my new babies was ferberizing, cry it out, finish your veggies mommying. The last 4 months have totally shaken up my methods and I have decided to admit that I like it. Ok, I love it. I love that now (finally) Zeke insists on being on my lap, that Etienne needs me to kiss every little microscopic ouchie, that both of them insist on telling me "Mama, car!!" at every car we pass and I have to acknowledge it. I am over the moon that they need and require all this extra nurturing and instead of trying to do it the way I did things with Molly and Blake, I have learned to just go with it. And you know what? It is fine to do it differently. God designed children so amazingly full of love and resilence that Molly and Blake just seem to know that this is what their siblings need and no one is loved any less.

On the topic of nurturing the orphaned child, I finally realized that one reason Etienne has the high maintanance fro is because it is HIS time with mommy and daddy every day. He gets a lot of extra attention and one-on-one time when we have to pick out his hair or put in twisty curls. So we are keeping it this way for now since our E missed out on bottles and rocking and being carried everywhere. He instead gets 2 hour hair styles and trips to the barber shop.

Just another flu bug

Poor Etienne is sick with 103.6 fever. I realize every kid gets sick, but this is the first time he has been sick with his mama and daddy. It was heartbreaking to see our little guy with the chills and aches, and not a single tear, sniffle or call out. He just laid in his bed, miserable and not realizing it is totally appropriate for him to want his mommy and daddy to comfort him right now. Molly took great efforts to tell Etienne that even big kids can tell their parents when they don't feel good. I had my mommy alarm clock mode on, so I kept checking on him all through the night and finally just snuggled in bed with him. He will learn that is what family is for. P.S. Another concerned nurse at Children's called to tell me she was sorry to inform me that my son had giardia. Hee, hee! Like that's any news to anyone who knows Zeke.

Have patience, have patience

So I always pride myself on being truthful. Truthful to other parents about adoption and parenthood, truthful to my kids and strangers in line at the grocery. I need to be truthful with myself and pray more about my Etienne.

Etienne's been such a go-with-the-flow kinda boy. I worried that all the daily battles with Ezekiel would make it more difficult for E to bond with his folks but our love for him is just as big.

Etienne is smiley, outgoing, charming and so smart. He is affectionate, cuddly and curious. He is also whiny, manipulative and easily over-stimulated. I find myself being really short with his insecurities and then I have incredible guilt about my impatience. I know that for 3 (or so) years my E didn't have a single possession or someone to love, no attention, snuggles or hugs. I am praying that I remember that when he is jealous of affection, is running wild at Sunday school or manipulating his family.

I write this partially for all the other adoptive moms out there. Maybe they will have less guilt when they are so incredibly angry at the child that they prayed for and dreamed of for so long. It's normal, we just have such high expectations on ourselves that we don't want to talk about our human nature. Can you imagine if our Father got annoyed with all the things we do?!

On a lighter note, the boys received some hair TLC from our good friend Lonnell over the holidays. They loved every minute of it. He also brought a goody bag of supplies that should last us awhile. Ryan and I both find that picking Etienne's 'fro is incredibly soothing. :)

Weekend Reunion

"Two are Better than One...." Ecclesiastes 4:9

This weekend we were fortunate to have the Limmers (Justin, Heidi, Asia, Trina & Moses) visit from Wyoming. The Limmers are one of the families that we traveled to Rwanda with; that experience made us closer than friends. During our first 6 weeks home, there were days when the only person I wanted to talk to was Heidi. Some days as I was crying in the pantry or holding Zeke down in a swaddle, my phone would ring and her friendship would pull me through. Such a God thing.

We owe Justin, Heidi and gang a good time. The windchill remained too cold to venture out (espeically with our Rwandan babies) but the kids had fun dressing up, racing cars and playing games. And dates were set for a summer trip to Wyoming!

Conspiring Bros

Nothing too insightful or reflective tonight. Just a funny, happy story. Last night, about 9:45 (an hour and 45 mins after lights out) I could hear Blake's little feet scurrying up his bunkbed ladder. I peeked in (it's totally dark too) to see Blake standing on his bed. He says, "What? I was just getting Etienne a book. You want us to read don't you?" I looked at Etienne, who was fake sleeping and snoring, with a pile of books on his pillow and Blake-y just giggling. What more could a mama ask for?