He Did It

"Small miracles" is what Molly said tonight, regarding our evening. Zeke didn't cry after dinner! He even played a little bit. And the best part was that after his bath, he briefly leaned against me. I got excited and tried to make eye contact, which blew it. But still! Small miracles. I swaddled him every time he yelled today, which was probably about 85% of our day, but it seems to keep him from hurting himself or me. I am thankful that my mom to Blake for a scream break and Etienne took a good nap. Maybe it is the swaddling, maybe it is consistancy, but probably it is just a God thing.

Zeke II

Good news first: Etienne continues to echo any English Blake speaks, loves Sesame Street and is healthy. He's actually lost 3lbs (related to malnutrition and protein). Blake is a great teacher, Molly is nurturing and we are thankful every moment for how amazing the 2 of them are. Prayer Request: Zeke continues to spend his waking hours screaming. He has moments when he will forget for a second to scream (like if I throw a ball) but then he picks up screaming again. We are looking for a crib cover because today I thought he finally wore himself out, so I went to the bathroom. He climbed/fell out of the crib and started to fall halfway down the stairs. It is horrible and it is wearing on the whole family. Out of desperation, I decided tonight to treat him like a newborn and I swaddled him with a giant afgan to get him to calm down. All we can do right now is pray over him and continue to attempt all the bonding/nurturing tactics. I have put in a request for a behavioral/developmental clinic, but haven't heard back yet. I think that the most difficult aspect is that there are moments when I question every decision that we've made thus far. Ryan reminds me that this was God's decision and His plan.

Zeke

In the days since we've been home, Zeke has become increasingly distant and fearful. It started out a few days ago that he yelled whenever we weren't holding him but has progressed to yelling all the time, including while we hold him. He won't look us in the eyes and tonight when I tried to lotion him after his bath he yelled louder and attempted to climb away from me; eventually trying to claw at my eyes. I prayed over him this whole time and we continue to try to feed him bottles, rock, sing, make him look us in the eyes, but he needs more than parents can give. I have also given him tylenol and motrin today, hoping that maybe something physical is wrong and we have a doctor appt in the morning. We know that we are so blessed by our friends who continue to pray for us and we need it now more than ever.

Transition Prayers

Yes, 2 posts in one day. I am giving a thank you to all the encouragement that I received today; God knew I was (am) struggling and sent me phone calls, emails and replies. While we were waiting for our referral, I remember feeling an unconditional love for Etienne and Zeke before I even knew them; it was just the same as when I was pregnant and felt love for my unborn child. I can't remember the first days of motherhood very well but I do know that I am sure I felt unsure and overwhelmed, just like now. The balance of providing nurturing and bonding but also discipline is killing me. I am the mother of structure and with no tolerance for tantrums. I read all the books and took the classes; heard how all my parenting has to go out the window with adoptive children, but I am really struggling to just go with that. Ryan, on the other hand, is amazing and constantly reminding me that Etienne and Zeke never had anyone to come back in the room over and over and over again, never had anyone care what their behavior was. So I am praying that I can let my old parenting go and just love.

First days Home

This is our third morning home and Ryan is off to school. I'll be honest with you, I feel I owe it to the future adoptive moms reading this. Coming home is the most wonderful and terrifying feeling at the same time. We were blessed with a warm welcome from our family and friends; the boys both have been eager to meet their family, experience carpet, grass and car seats. The reality is that Zeke won't fall asleep and as soon as we step away from the crib, he climbs out and falls. Etienne continues his screaming, but the length and volume of screams are less then they were. I am overwhelmed with what their basis for "normal" was; and how every little detail of our lives is throwing them each a curve ball. Right now we are praying that we remember this is God's plan for us and His strength will help Zeke to sleep and Etienne to chill.

Blake is loving being a big brother and having Etienne as his audience and partner. They enjoy making boy sounds together as loud as they can, and crashing cars together.

Molly is our True North, reminding us constantly of everything good and right. She is so eager to return to school today and share her stories! I am really going to miss she and Ryan today so much.

One More Mountain

After a good day, we lost the wind in our sails. We were informed that it looks very unlikely that the Embassy will grant us our visa interviews tomorrow because they only do interviews in the morning and our kid's medical records won't be sent until 1pm. We can't leave the country without the visa interview. As a group, we prayed and requested that God soften the Embassy and grant us one more little miracle. We are asking that you all do the same for our families. This is so frightening and discouraging for all of us, but we know that a week ago God was delivering us from impossible scenarios at the Embassy in Rwanda.

Our guide, T, took us to authentic everything. I am so glad that we've had the Limmers and Himes on the journey with us because not only are they great Christians, they are also a lot of fun! We were able to visit the orphanage that Courtney and Scott's first son, Noah, was adopted from. There were a number of older children and it is really humbling to be Molly's parents and watch her in this environment. She is compassionate and empathetic while being levelheaded. Ryan and I think God may use her in this environment someday. Blake just loved shaking each kid's hand.

Dinner was at an Ethiopian restaurant with live music and dancing. The kids LOVED it. Now picture, just like on the travel channel, a large dish in the middle of the table with various colored pastes and everyone eating with their hands. That was us. Wouldn't you know Blake loved, loved, loved the food. Typical for him to like food from a country known for it's starvation...

Bumps in the Road

Warning: this update isn’t as positive or encouraging as K-LOVE.

I haven’t updated the blog in a few days for a number of reasons; primarily because of discouragement. We arrived Sunday evening into Addis Ababa, Ethiopia after a long 2hr flight with 5 crying babies only to learn that Ethiopia doesn’t allow Rwandan orphans into the country and they weren’t going to issue the children’s visas. Once again, it took A LOT of prayers and waiting to get the visas issued (the “chief” said the only reason he didn’t send our children back on the next flight was because they were babies). Hence my lack of blogging Sunday.

Ethiopia is as you picture it: unexplainably poor, crowded, filthy, smelly and overwhelming. Unless you have been here, you have never seen such devastating poverty. Our guest house is cool: everyone has their own bed or crib. Ryan and I are sleeping Lucy and Desi style!

Funny side story: Yesterday at Etienne’s physical when they weighed him, has was leaning on the wall and the girl wrote down 13kg. Ryan and I KNEW that he was way bigger. So we reweighed him ourselves at 17kg (37.5lbs) and told the physician. She said “No, that isn’t right, there is no way a 2 yr old can weigh that much,” attempted to pick him up and then reweighed him herself. Yup!

It has taken much prayer for me to remember that none of this was ultimately Ryan or my doing: Etienne and Zeke are our children and we’re here because it is God’s plan. The last few days have tested our faith more than anything else throughout the adoption process.

To the families waiting, I feel that I owe it to you to warn you – you have many battles to fight and you need to come prepared. The process for Rwandan children is in no way smooth or clear. Today we learned that the children’s immunization cards are in Kinyarwanda, and no one here can or will translate it. Two trips to the Embassy, some sweet talking and prayers later; we have a pediatrician signing it for us. Without the angel, we’d be stuck in Ethiopia until we could find a translator.

Second funny side story: Yesterday the 3 families were waiting for our ride and we noticed a man yelling at us. He kept repeating, “I am a terrorist, follow me so I can kill you,” as he smiled and stood at least 50 feet away. This went on for about 10 minutes, we just laughed, so he walked away smiling.

Another blessing is that Etienne is walking a little more and throwing a few less screaming sessions. He also seems to be eating a little less-like maybe he is already recognizing we’ll keep giving him what he needs.

This morning, we were told we had three appointments; those doubled and we didn’t return until late afternoon-part of this is because nothing Rwandan is routine and nothing in a van with 5 kids is either.

All the challenges and pain we have faced has reminded all of us-the Himes and Limmers too-that God is doing something so much bigger than paperwork, visas, money or red tape. We are just praying to constantly remember that God will see us through. We have 5 beautiful kids (actually 7 ‘cause Molly and Blake are AWESOME) to demonstrate His grace.