Monday, September 21, 2009
Yes, 2 posts in one day. I am giving a thank you to all the encouragement that I received today; God knew I was (am) struggling and sent me phone calls, emails and replies. While we were waiting for our referral, I remember feeling an unconditional love for Etienne and Zeke before I even knew them; it was just the same as when I was pregnant and felt love for my unborn child. I can't remember the first days of motherhood very well but I do know that I am sure I felt unsure and overwhelmed, just like now. The balance of providing nurturing and bonding but also discipline is killing me. I am the mother of structure and with no tolerance for tantrums. I read all the books and took the classes; heard how all my parenting has to go out the window with adoptive children, but I am really struggling to just go with that. Ryan, on the other hand, is amazing and constantly reminding me that Etienne and Zeke never had anyone to come back in the room over and over and over again, never had anyone care what their behavior was. So I am praying that I can let my old parenting go and just love.