Thursday, April 14, 2011

3 Down and oh so many to go....

3 down as in therapy sessions. The sessions are interesting, to say the least. Next time, Zeke isn't allowed to go because he answers everyone questions for them. For those who know Zeke, this is truly his style. Of course, he yells the "right" answer out in his Barry White voice with his sparkly eyes, making it difficult for anyone to do anything except kiss him. While Zeke yells answers out, Molly supervises Etienne's bouncing off the walls and enforces rules ("E, you can't do the worm while she's talking to you!") and Blake holds my hand.
All lightheartedness aside, we are getting some solid, experienced advice. The struggle is there because a lot of what we are being encouraged to do seems completely illogical. The biggest concept to wrap my brain around is that we don't have any big consequences for good or bad behavior. No more sticker charts, phone calls, etc. The only reward is over-the-top praise and encouragement when E makes a good choice; and praising his siblings like crazy to set an example. It's sort of working. We have been seeing progress with the exaggerated emotions too; and it's really funny when everyone does their mad face.
I am attempting to reprogram my brain and for the most part, I get it. Plus, none of our previous attempts at rewards, discipline or consequences ever worked (back to the fact that I have no mama gut instinct when it comes to post adoption life). Last night, Etienne peed AND pooped his pants. WHAT?!?!? We had a good day, fairly good week. There was no logic to it and it's pointless to guess (Was he tired? Angry at me for something?) Those are the actions that infuriate me but at least I am getting that I just can't get it. If that makes sense.
Accepting that I know nothing about mothering Etienne has become somewhat freeing. It's a relief to have a professional that just gets it in our corner too. And I think I've pinpointed part of my struggle. I've said that I won't accept that Etienne is broken. I've also realized I want him to be my son. Not my adopted son. Just my son.


  1. I can't thank you enough for how honest you are and what you share on this blog.

  2. ;-) Sounds like you are learning so much! That is so interesting what the therapist said to you! Sounds like such good advice! I might try that with my little loves at school! ;-) Keep up the great work!