Worship

    Yesterday, in anger and frustration, I left the house for a run in the rain.  As my feet hit the pavement, my eyes caught sight of one lonely acorn on the road.  It lay perfect, full of potential, on the cold concrete.  It's cheesy, I know, but I had this image of Etienne.  There have been many days lately where I absolutely hate attachment parenting.  I just want to give up because it feels so fruitless.  So here is my broken hearted son, that already doubts his purpose and his worth, with a mom that is feels like that lonely pavement.  I can't get passed my ugly feelings without God doing it for me. 
      I'm not gonna lie.  Me and E, we've been battling a lot of lies these last few days.  It is oil and water.  I'm feeling about as bad as I've felt in my mama days.  I know that none of the doubt, the anger, the frustration, the hopelessness is true.  I know.  But I am feeling it anyway.  So I am choosing tonight to worship God.  There isn't anything else I can do.  These are the lyrics I have been listening to over and over and over.  A Rwanda Mama made them on a plaque for me and I just keep humming it.  The victory will someday be His.

"Never Once"  Matt Redman 

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful