Monday, March 26, 2012

      I came downstairs yesterday morning to find Blake and Zeke snuggled on the couch, reading Fly Guy while Etienne was under the table licking crumbs off the floor.  Yes, you read that right.  No, he didn't miss a meal and no,I didn't sleep in.  It was 7:15am.  I picked him up, wrapped him in a quilt and took him to the deck for alone time with mama.  He denied being hungry and he said he didn't know why he was looking for crumbs.  So we watched the birds flying into and out of the trees in the forest.  We talked about how all the mama sparrows were looking for worms for their babies.  I told him what Psalm 84:3 says:
"Even the sparrow has found a home and the swallow a nest for herself where she may have her young, near Your alter."
      Than we prayed for the other Rwanda kids that don't have a home and we prayed some more that E would know he would always be in my nest and I would always bring him food.  Then I went upstairs and I cried a little bit for Etienne and for all the orphans that don't yet have a nest.
       I went into the bathroom today and I found another hole in my wall.  Another Matchbox in Etienne's hands.  I was thankful that I saw him eating crumbs off the floor, so fresh in my memory; it was overwhelming.  This is what reality looks like.  I don't write it for sympathy or a drama factor, I write it so that everyone else in the world may be overcome with grief and empathy for this boy and every child like him.  This is my boy who has been home for two years.  He hasn't missed any meals.  Unlimited apples and carrots have been at his fingertips since he became ours.  And yet he still doesn't feel secure that his father and mother will give him everything he needs.  He still doesn't know in his heart of hearts that he is ours.
     After talking about the damage to the woodwork, we snuggled.  We prayed.  I honestly did not have an ounce of anger in my words.  That is what the reality of HIS grace looks like.

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