The greatest gift I have been given in our adoption is that this pain, this struggle, has lead me to my knees in awe. Awe of my God's great love and mercy. I feel His grace as palpable as my heartbeat.
Tonight was one of the toughest nights the entourage has had since we became a family of 6. Lots of yelling. Tears. Damaged goods. We had back to school night for Molly and Blake-man is headed to kindergarten. This is the first time that my 3 boys will be separated and it is crystal clear to us all that Etienne AND Zeke are most attached to their older brother. Their little hearts are breaking out of fear that Blake won't come home, won't remember them, won't play with them.
Please pray for us tonight. Ryan and I need discernment. I need to let go of the guilt. Our Rwanda babies need assurance that Blake will come home to them every day. Blake shouldn't have so much responsibility for his brothers' happiness(Is it possible to be too attached?). Miss Molly just needs a little patience.
And please don't ever tell me that God can't give me more than I can handle because that's ridiculous. Of course He gives us too much because in that mess, He gets the most glory. When I am on my pantry floor in tears, I have nothing left to "handle" this. It's all Him.