Monday, January 31, 2011

It feels deliberate.

I know people read my blog partially for my transparency and recently I've been trying to focus on all the funny in our life. Believe me, there is a lot of funny with this entourage. Truthfully, though, Ryan and I are back to battling a lot of really UGLY attachment behaviors: lying, stealing and deliberate disobeying. Tonight I could really use a more experienced adoptive parent for advice. I am again brought to tears as Etienne sits in punishment for lying. It's killing me more now than ever. The lies are over really, really stupid things. (Finding him in our closet, going through a file cabinet and telling me "Dad said I could take a nap here." or having a mouth full of gum and saying "No, I don't have gum." Such obvious, silly, silly lies. The lies are primarily directed at me. He always comes clean to Ryan despite the fact that we are consistantly disciplining the same. It's more difficult now that we had a couple of weeks with minimal attachment stuff and it was so great!! Why, why, why God, is he doing this again? It's like when you have a new baby that sleeps through the night and then they start waking up again. We've also been battling some stealing. This really scares me. So far it's been limited to purses and bags of famliy members and a woman at a table next to us in Runza. Ugh. Luckily, the stranger was gracious and we caught him "red handed." Still. One great trait that Etienne has is that he really just goes with the flow. However, this is not good when we are punishing him. For example, we were making him donate a toy if he hit/punched/kicked/bit someone. The first couple of times it was so sad. Now he puts on his poker face and doesn't care. Ssssoooo....we are trying the old sticker chart. There are only 2 goals: NO HURTING OTHERS and NO LYING OR STEALING. Forget brushing our teeth, making the bed or putting toys away. I just want an honest little boy who won't hurt anyone. We'll work on the rest later. PS The couple above the sticker chart are E's Godparents and some of my favorite people, Jeff and Vicky. The reward for a week of stickers is a playdate with Jeff and Vicky. I even divided the days in half so we can hopefully get a reward part way through the day to promote more good..


  1. sorry, i have no advice...but i want to thank you for your openness and honesty. i will be praying for you...for strength and wisdom and patience. AND for him...that he would KNOW he is loved and secure and doesn't need to do ANYthing to fight for it!

  2. "It's like when you have a new baby that sleeps through the night and then they start waking up again."
    That line happened to me about a year ago. It was rough. What I knew then, and what I know you know now, is that God is sovereign, in control of everything, everywhere, at every second. At the same time, we know that he is good, and he is specifically working for our good. Romans 8:28 and Matthew 6:25-33 explain this. What happened for me when I was up in the middle of the night with Gabe when I knew that he was capable of sleeping was I realized that if Romans 8 and Matthew 6 were true, than God is specifically, purposefully waking me up in the middle of the night to teach me and shape me into the image of His son. That doesn't make the trials easier, but it does give them purpose and it gave me hope. I'm not trying to equate my sleepless nights with your struggles with Etienne, but I hope that you can find purpose and hope amidst these struggles.

  3. We continue to pray for all of you, Kara. Your Bible verses for this year seem especially appropriate. Hang in there. xoxo Mom