Friday, October 8, 2010

a deeper hurt...

These past few weeks we've really felt like we are uncovering a deeper hurt in Etienne. The sobbing,lying, the apologizing, lack of sleep, all the RAD behaviors have just increased and multiplied. As a believer, I have been to new depths of prayer and diving into my bible more than ever. This is good, right?! Emotionally, I am as drained as I was a year ago but I feel stronger spiritually than I ever have. If I need to fight for Etienne's heart, than bring it on. I could not imagine surviving without my fellow Rwanda Mamas. There is a bond between us that is lifelong and their encouragement and prayer these past few weeks, more than ever, has sustained me. My father-in-law reminded me of how funny our daily life is and I need to share the comedy. There really is never a dull moment.. -So Zeke knows I am a "baby catcher" and its the norm to talk about pregnancy, birth, etc. Last night he was snuggling me and said something about "Zekee in mama's tummy." When I told him that he came didn't come out of my tummy, he opened his eyes really wide, rolled them and fell straight back in shock. It was actually hysterical. A funny birth mom/adoptive mama talk. -Items (to date) used to slide down the stairs: a mini couch, a serving platter, sleeping bags, the dog (totally didn't work), cardboard, a sled. -The boys were in a wedding last weekend and Etienne ROCKED the Calvin Klein tux. He literally did not want to remove even the coat no matter how hot he was. While he sweat in all the layers, Blake wooed some college coeds and Zeke ran circles on the dance floor. -During discipline/time-outs, Zeke now cries "Molly, Molly." Today I told him that Molly would put him in time out too for being naughty and she replied, "Actually, Mom, I totally wouldn't because he's a sparkly-eyed smiley face." - Out closet is now occasionally used for the boys to sleep in (don't tell our social worker) -it is entirely possible for 3 little boys to share a toilet at the same time. When this occurs, all participating parties are required to then join in clean up efforts. Thank you for loving us. Thank you for encouraging me to share our pain and our milestones. Etienne is now consistantly asking to be on my back when he is unable to calm down. He also went to football with grandpa and DID NOT hug anyone he didn't know. These are big steps that we rejoice over. To be continued...


  1. love it! Keep the funny stories and the sense of humor! We pray for you often as you fight for that sweet boy.

  2. Wow... you impress and inspire me Kara. You are doing something amazing. Then again, being a mother is always amazing, isn't it? :)

  3. Thank you so much for being so honest in your blog. I followed your blog before and right after your travel but then faded away. I have recently re-discovered it and find it very helpful. Thank you so much for speaking about your joys and struggles so openly.
    Laura DTR 5/2010