Peeling the Onion

We are over a year home, so to the outside world, nothing is new anymore. But Etienne is like an onion to me, his little core seems to be hollow without love and until we get him peeled, all of the peeing, uncontrollable crying, lying, RAD behaviors aren't really gonna get a whole lot better. I realize that the best thing for Ryan and I to do is just keep pulling him closer when he resists us and loving him harder. The last few weeks, we've started saying "Dear God, please help E know mama and daddy and GOD always love him." He repeats that over and over when he can't be consoled. I just feel like that simple prayer is all he really needs to overcome the RAD behaviors that we are seeing more and more of. Jeremiah 31:13 talks about God turning sorrow to joy. I really feel like that is where we are now; when E cries, I cry. I hurt deeply for him. Honestly, 3 months ago, I didn't. I felt frustrated. Sad. Sad like "he was an orphan" sad. Now I physically hurt and grief with him the way I always have with Molly or Blake and even Zeke. I consider that grief and sorrow to also be a joy because Etienne is my son and what hurts him, hurts me.