I again was strugggling to find the words to write but am so aware daily of all our friends and prayer partners that deserve "E/Z" updates! Etienne has been my challenge lately; God knew that this mama couldn't handle two boys having adjustment issues at the same time. Etienne is so hungry for any kind of attention from Ryan and I, it just breaks my heart. He echoes anything that Molly, Blake or Zeke says to us, he pushes his way into our arms/laps/faces. These are okay to tolerate, considering his first three years. My challenge has been that he pees his pants in the evening, most of the time when all 6 of us our playing. The boy is potty trained and has been for awhile, but when Ryan comes home and we are all together, he will pee his pants and then hide in shame. I feel strongly that it is attention seeking behavior but I struggle at our response. We currently discipline him with a time out and straight to bed. However, then he gets the attention he seeks. Ryan feels like maybe he just isn't totally ready and he never got to be a "baby." We just can't seek advice from our friends because none of them ever potty trained a child that lived his first years in an orphanage. I have such guilt after I discpline him and I think its because he and I still haven't "fallen" in love. We just aren't there yet.
Throughout the last 6 months, so many people have told us that God doesn't give us anything that we can't handle. I have decided that I disagree, I totally don't buy this. What I mean is that I think that God gave me this totally challenging, slap in the face situation that I CAN'T handle. Not without Him. It's truly the first time in my life that I have felt like I have no tools, nothing except His grace. And I am overwhelmed by this realization.
On a funny note, little Zeke is asking to use the potty and doing so correctly! It's hilarious to see his little body balanced on the giant throne. Thank you, giardia, for encouraging early use of the toilet!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Finding Love
Etienne and Ezekiel holding hands in the car
I again was strugggling to find the words to write but am so aware daily of all our friends and prayer partners that deserve "E/Z" updates! Etienne has been my challenge lately; God knew that this mama couldn't handle two boys having adjustment issues at the same time. Etienne is so hungry for any kind of attention from Ryan and I, it just breaks my heart. He echoes anything that Molly, Blake or Zeke says to us, he pushes his way into our arms/laps/faces. These are okay to tolerate, considering his first three years. My challenge has been that he pees his pants in the evening, most of the time when all 6 of us our playing. The boy is potty trained and has been for awhile, but when Ryan comes home and we are all together, he will pee his pants and then hide in shame. I feel strongly that it is attention seeking behavior but I struggle at our response. We currently discipline him with a time out and straight to bed. However, then he gets the attention he seeks. Ryan feels like maybe he just isn't totally ready and he never got to be a "baby." We just can't seek advice from our friends because none of them ever potty trained a child that lived his first years in an orphanage. I have such guilt after I discpline him and I think its because he and I still haven't "fallen" in love. We just aren't there yet.
Throughout the last 6 months, so many people have told us that God doesn't give us anything that we can't handle. I have decided that I disagree, I totally don't buy this. What I mean is that I think that God gave me this totally challenging, slap in the face situation that I CAN'T handle. Not without Him. It's truly the first time in my life that I have felt like I have no tools, nothing except His grace. And I am overwhelmed by this realization.
On a funny note, little Zeke is asking to use the potty and doing so correctly! It's hilarious to see his little body balanced on the giant throne. Thank you, giardia, for encouraging early use of the toilet!
I again was strugggling to find the words to write but am so aware daily of all our friends and prayer partners that deserve "E/Z" updates! Etienne has been my challenge lately; God knew that this mama couldn't handle two boys having adjustment issues at the same time. Etienne is so hungry for any kind of attention from Ryan and I, it just breaks my heart. He echoes anything that Molly, Blake or Zeke says to us, he pushes his way into our arms/laps/faces. These are okay to tolerate, considering his first three years. My challenge has been that he pees his pants in the evening, most of the time when all 6 of us our playing. The boy is potty trained and has been for awhile, but when Ryan comes home and we are all together, he will pee his pants and then hide in shame. I feel strongly that it is attention seeking behavior but I struggle at our response. We currently discipline him with a time out and straight to bed. However, then he gets the attention he seeks. Ryan feels like maybe he just isn't totally ready and he never got to be a "baby." We just can't seek advice from our friends because none of them ever potty trained a child that lived his first years in an orphanage. I have such guilt after I discpline him and I think its because he and I still haven't "fallen" in love. We just aren't there yet.
Throughout the last 6 months, so many people have told us that God doesn't give us anything that we can't handle. I have decided that I disagree, I totally don't buy this. What I mean is that I think that God gave me this totally challenging, slap in the face situation that I CAN'T handle. Not without Him. It's truly the first time in my life that I have felt like I have no tools, nothing except His grace. And I am overwhelmed by this realization.
On a funny note, little Zeke is asking to use the potty and doing so correctly! It's hilarious to see his little body balanced on the giant throne. Thank you, giardia, for encouraging early use of the toilet!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Struggling with you, Friend! I'm more convinced than ever that this love comes softly and slowly. Our actions lead our hearts....trusting God to bring the feelings later.
ReplyDeleteThanks for continuing to share the journey, and not just the awesome parts! Let's face it, potty training kind of sucks no matter what - add in some attachment issues/months spent in an orphanage, and I can only imagine.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I completely agree with your disagreement. Does that make sense?
Although it may be attention seeking he may be just feeling overexcited when everyone is around. I had experience teaching a little boy who this happened to as soon as he was in a crowded room-it was a nervous response. If he is feeling ashamed about it after, it may be beyond his control. Hang in there:)
ReplyDeletethanks for being willing to share the REAL stuff...not many people seem to. praying for you all!
ReplyDeleteHang in there and just keep reiterating to yourself that love is a choice. On the toilet training issue - most of the research indicates that it is a lot more harmful in the long run to punish for potty training issues. Compound that with the fact that he feels ashamed after it happens, it appears that it is less about attention seeking than perhaps an involuntary reaction to some other stressor. If it annoys us, think how much more upsetting it is for the child. A foster/adoptive mom who has a lot of experience with bed wetting and accidents in the older child (she takes in traumatized teens who usually have this same issue), shared that the most effective method she uses is as soon as new child comes home, she calmly explains to the child that because of all they are going through, they may have accidents. When/if this happens, she explains to the children how to clean, where to put the wet clothes and shows them where the clean underwear is. She never makes it a big deal and she really reiterates that having accidents is not something to be ashamed of. Has his pediatrician given any thoughts/suggestions? The only possible time punishment could be considered is for a fully potty trained child who wets themselves because they are angry at you. However, still in this case – it may be a learning opportunity to teach how to appropriately express hurt or angry feelings.
ReplyDeletePraying for you as you go through the attachment process. Thanks for your honesty about the seldom spoken issue – the parent attaching to their child.