Ten minutes of lullaby songs and lavender bath water later, Etienne was able to verbalize that he was really mad at me. It was one of those moments where I had patience and compassion only by the grace of God because his fit, rage and tears had been off the chart. But I didn't lose it and I wasn't faking it as I waited for an explanation.
"Mommy, I was mad at you that you didn't stay with me at my football practice. You weren't with me."Throat swelling shut. Eyes melting. No words. I wrapped him up in a towel and a hug. We stayed that way a few minutes. When I found words, I told him that maybe we could work on our emotions some more. That maybe he was feeling afraid that I wasn't with him; and that maybe he felt sad when we were apart. We made a plan that next time he feels this way, he will give me a hug and tell me that he had missed me.
This is another big leap forward. I am conditioned to the ridiculous melt downs and fits. I understand the reasoning that my son feels abandoned and that he can't comprehend his feelings. I am a RAD mom; it's how we roll. What I am not used to is this progress, this stretching of his little heart. But I am a quick learner. I will take it.