Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Biblically, the bible commands that we love God first and submit to our spouses in love next(see Matthew 10). We all know this is really, really hard to do. It is a challenge to raise Godly kiddos, run a household and maybe a career but above all, to love your husband most! No matter the chaos that has followed our return home, it is sacred that Ryan and I get time to just be together; it has taken 10yrs for me to grasp the significance of time without kids. I am so grateful for our family that serves us well that we may do this.
This year, E didn't lock anyone out of the house or car. He was great for his Nana and Pops! It's the aftermath for mommy, and now siblings, that is rough. Please pray for Etienne this week. We are better equipped and know what to expect (to an extent) after a change in our routine. The lying, the hurting, the acting out are back. Our poor boy knows the words "Mommy and Daddy are always your mommy and daddy," but he doesn't feel it. I am at a place, as his mama, that I am overcome with grief when I think that E doubts my unconditional love. Most of the time, the constant noise, the breaking/taking apart/losing/reinventing of anything and everything doesn't phase me. Finding a turkey feather in the washing machine is normal around here. I let go of order and said adios to a clean house. I am even cool with all the kids waking up to stomping and chanting. But there are still a lot of moments that doubt creeps in. How long will it take to prove my love? When will he not pee his pants? At what age will we not have to buy diapers?
The cool thing about marriage is that God gave me a partner that doesn't ask those questions. He doesn't mind if he has to move laundry to climb into bed and he never comments on the prize of diapers. And that is why my other half totally deserves my undivided time and attention on a very regular basis. If you are waiting for your child to come home, take note. If you are struggling to adjust post adoption, schedule breakfast together or a midnight snack if you still working on attachment. Make it happen.
On a lighter note, Zeke told me tonight "From now on, Mama Mia (that's me), I want to say 'I love you AND I like you." I am so cool with that.