Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Scubbing toilets and such

I am aware that I have some vastly different readers: those from BA (before adopting) and AA (after). I know that many of my readers are old friends, ones who fund raised, encouraged and prayed for us as we waited for our boys to come home; then there are the new friends, other families wondering through adoption like us. I am also aware that we are blessed. Our home is hysterical with nudity, laughter and one-liners. That’s what my FB status is for!
I too that I have committed to being honest and real and here’s the bottom line: Children who are not loved well suffer. Proving love to an orphan is messy, ongoing and grace-filled. BUT GOD ALWAYS WINS.
Last week, I met with a professional family counselor regarding services for Etienne. At first, I was hopeful because she too was an adoptive parent. Then my heart sank to my stomach as she said “You need to accept that your child will always have RAD (reactive attachment disorder)….this will always be a battle.” Ugh. We know that this is a long road. We also know that Ezekiel cried, screamed, his first 6 weeks home. Affection hurt him, eye contact frightened him, touching was painful. BUT GOD ALWAYS WINS. We know the rest of Zeke’s happy ending. Hope.
I too am learning how to parent Etienne. For awhile, we tried the time outs, spankings, etc. That didn’t work ( I know, I know, the experts are saying “I told you so!”). Every 10 days or so, my creative discipline doesn’t work any more and we have to go back to square one. Etienne just doesn't care. This week, lying leads to toilet scrubbing. I love it because chores=time together=bonding!, my boy learns a life skill AND I get a clean bathroom. Here’s to hoping this consequence works.

Many days, trying to take the nurturing approach to Etienne’s lying, hitting, punching, name calling, gets the best of me. Stinkin’ attachment issues. It would be easier to send him to a corner or to his room. But despite my frustration, Etienne calls “Mama, I listened!” from the Sunday school door and needs me to kiss his invisible boo-boos. Etienne wakes in the morning, praying “Jesus, thank you to help me not hurt others today.” He used to hoard his food, his water, his shoes; now he is officially “best sharer” of the house. GOD ALWAYS WINS. Little by little, He etches away at my little boy’s heart. My hope.


  1. WOW, I love the real sharing your guys do. Thanks for sharing your family life with us. Life has so many unexpected lessons doesn't it? Rarely, do the lessons turn out like we think. I read a book about a year ago as part of a change management lesson at work, called "Who Moved My Cheese". Its about three mice in a maze, faced with surviving change,risking not embracing change and moving to new locations. I was brought into the company to be an agent of change, then it happened to me. Change... that I did not choose........wait a minute!! "I" was getting the rug pulled out from under me and I was tumbling! I know the things your are facing seem daunting and relentless but oh the rich things you are learning in the process! We wonder with you as God helps you one day at a time.

  2. Just found your blog via FB. You WILL be a tool in my back pocket as we start this life-long journey! I love what you said, that God always wins. Words to live by. Let's keep in touch!

  3. Have you added yourself/blog to our Parents of Trauma map, yet?

  4. Ack! I just had problems when I checked the link. I'll try again. SORRY! It is filling up FAST, but that means it has also been a bit glitchy.

    I think this looks the exact same, but I'm going to repost it anyway.,-78.75&spn=44.616191,105.820313&z=3