Tuesday, May 18, 2010

What did I need?

This is how Blake and Ezekiel travel these days. I am in love with the love my kiddos share with each other. They are hysterical and sweet without knowing how encouraging it is for me. I still have days where I cry on the pantry floor. Etienne still doesn't know he is loved unconditionally. Zeke still stuffs his mouth full until he gags. We continue to be thrilled with a full nights sleep. But the boys have a sparkle in their eye! They laugh and sing and bob their heads to the music. AND Zeke screamed hysterically when I went to work on Friday! I cried tears of gratitude at this (long awaited) sign of attachment. So blessed are we.
Now God has put been nudging me for several months, but I can't quite put my finger on how. I feel so strongly that I need to be doing something for other adoptive moms, but I can't visualize how it should look. A support group? A grant? Books? Fundraising projects? I am in no way, shape or form an expert on transitioning home an adoptive child (someone let me know when the transition is over!) but I still feel called to serve other families, to be doing something to carry on James 1:27.
I think back to last fall and even this winter, at the days I was so completely broken and lost. I am SURE that I had post adoption depression, but I didn't have anyone to call or seek help from. It was truly the first time in my life that I had absolutely no resource. All that was left was God's grace. That is a beautiful place to be. But it is also lonely and unsure. What did I need? What would have helped me? The answer to this is what I haven't quite solidified, but when I do, I think I'll have a better idea of how I can continue James 1:27.
P.S. I am open to feedback and suggestions from all my sacred adoptive/bloggin' sisters.


  1. Hey There...I have been following your blog for awhile now. I came across it as we were researching adoption from various African countries. I just wanted to say that I think you are doing a lot through your blog. I always appreciate your willingness to share the good, the bad, and the ugly on here. So many adoptive parents stop writing on their blogs when they get home with their kids (probably because life gets very overwhelming and extremely difficult for some of them). I really like that you have stuck with it and been honest about your experience. We are in the process now, and I think it's really helpful to have a mom who loves her kids, but struggles daily, to be real about it all.
    So with that said, my suggestion would be to keep going here and to consider contributing to a more mainstream blog/website like No Hands But Ours and Grown in my Heart. Just my thoughts. Thanks for all your honesty! Please keep it up!

  2. My husband and I are praying about adopting two girls from Rwanda. We have three biological sons who are 5, 3 and 18 months. We feeling strongly that God is calling us to adopt two, but also hearing from some people that this is a bad idea. As I've been reading your blog, it sounds like it has been a lot to handle, but I would love to hear more from you about this. What do you think about adopting two children at once? How do you find time and resources to meet both of their needs? What has it been like to struggle through the attachment stuff as a family? How has it been for your biological kids? Are we crazy to adopt 2? What should we prepare for if we go for it?

  3. Hi! I found your blog because my husband teaches with a mutual friend at Goddard. We have just received a referral for a one-year-old boy from Ethiopia. I haven't had time to read all the way through your experience; however, i really appreciate hearing your struggle between "structure" and the different parenting styles encouraged by adoption experts. I think we will have a similar experience, so I'd love to hear more (maybe you have already written more about it and i just haven't gotten there!) about how you have moved through all of that.