Getting real...

So I have been forthcoming with the reality of transition and adjusting in adoption. The truth is, although when I met Etienne and Zeke I KNEW they were mine, the instant bond and unconditional love wasn't entirely there and what I felt wasn't what I thought I'd feel. I was trying to force feelings that can't be forced. This has been a source of confusion and constant prayer. And something people just don't talk about. Yesterday, in the middle of the mall playground, I fell in love, head over heels, unconditional, move the earth kind of love. With Zeke and E. I was watching Blake chase Zeke and Etienne, all 3 of them laughing and I couldn't get over how beautiful and perfect they each were; totally a rose colored glasses, mommy view! I was taking pictures, crying and laughing and realizing that it finally happened. I love all my children with the same, constant, unconditional love. Ryan and I always tell our kids that only God loves them more than we do. All four.