So I thought I had truly let go off all my grief and ugliness. I said I didn't care that my house is a bit damaged, that we don't all sleep well, that it's hard to find a sitter on Saturday night. And most of the time, this is totally true. Totally.
Except there's this thing about behaving at school. We've been saying that we don't care if our kids aren't the best readers or mathematicians but we do care that they are all respectful to everyone; that they are showing God's love in their actions. To me, it seems fairly straightforward that if a grown up says "be quiet!" you do it. And when you obey, you show God’s love to your teacher.
E's poor teacher has begun using this website called "dojo" to mark his daily behavior. We just log in every night and -voila!- there is a cute monster with a behavior pie chart thingy. My kid can not, CAN NOT, not talk. Don't get me wrong, it's light years better than the regular visits to the principal. But he's still failing miserably at getting through the day in the classroom.
Today's talking was off the chart lousy. I'm trying to rationalize with him as we do our strict after school routine (high protein snack, laps around the house, help mommy in the kitchen). Even as I talk, I know it's pointless. Finally, I sighed and asked him why it was so hard not to talk. I swear this is what he said:
"I need to tell my table that Jesus suffered because He loves them so much. I need to tell them that."Oh. I feel like God just took me and shook me upside down. Like He is shouting "Hello, Kara, this life is so much bigger than talking in class. This boy's worth is why I died."
Holy awesome. How do we discipline a child who is desperate to share the gospel? So desperate, in fact, that he's choosing to sacrifice a trip to Pizza Machine ( we are not above bribes) because he NEEDS to tell others the Good News.
I am not sure how to navigate this one. But I am beyond humbled to be trying to figure it out.