Have patience, have patience

So I always pride myself on being truthful. Truthful to other parents about adoption and parenthood, truthful to my kids and strangers in line at the grocery. I need to be truthful with myself and pray more about my Etienne.

Etienne's been such a go-with-the-flow kinda boy. I worried that all the daily battles with Ezekiel would make it more difficult for E to bond with his folks but our love for him is just as big.

Etienne is smiley, outgoing, charming and so smart. He is affectionate, cuddly and curious. He is also whiny, manipulative and easily over-stimulated. I find myself being really short with his insecurities and then I have incredible guilt about my impatience. I know that for 3 (or so) years my E didn't have a single possession or someone to love, no attention, snuggles or hugs. I am praying that I remember that when he is jealous of affection, is running wild at Sunday school or manipulating his family.

I write this partially for all the other adoptive moms out there. Maybe they will have less guilt when they are so incredibly angry at the child that they prayed for and dreamed of for so long. It's normal, we just have such high expectations on ourselves that we don't want to talk about our human nature. Can you imagine if our Father got annoyed with all the things we do?!

On a lighter note, the boys received some hair TLC from our good friend Lonnell over the holidays. They loved every minute of it. He also brought a goody bag of supplies that should last us awhile. Ryan and I both find that picking Etienne's 'fro is incredibly soothing. :)

Weekend Reunion

"Two are Better than One...." Ecclesiastes 4:9

This weekend we were fortunate to have the Limmers (Justin, Heidi, Asia, Trina & Moses) visit from Wyoming. The Limmers are one of the families that we traveled to Rwanda with; that experience made us closer than friends. During our first 6 weeks home, there were days when the only person I wanted to talk to was Heidi. Some days as I was crying in the pantry or holding Zeke down in a swaddle, my phone would ring and her friendship would pull me through. Such a God thing.

We owe Justin, Heidi and gang a good time. The windchill remained too cold to venture out (espeically with our Rwandan babies) but the kids had fun dressing up, racing cars and playing games. And dates were set for a summer trip to Wyoming!

Conspiring Bros

Nothing too insightful or reflective tonight. Just a funny, happy story. Last night, about 9:45 (an hour and 45 mins after lights out) I could hear Blake's little feet scurrying up his bunkbed ladder. I peeked in (it's totally dark too) to see Blake standing on his bed. He says, "What? I was just getting Etienne a book. You want us to read don't you?" I looked at Etienne, who was fake sleeping and snoring, with a pile of books on his pillow and Blake-y just giggling. What more could a mama ask for?

In His Time

Dear Adoptive Bloggers,

A year ago right now, Ryan and I were spending every spare moment planning fundraising events, applying for grants and dreaming about our future children. I told people often that I was confident that if God put this desire in our hearts, He would see it through. Funds were raised as we needed them and we felt that this adoption was such an amazing way to glorify our Father. After we got our referral, we literally ran out of time and money. We humbled ourselves more then we could have imagined, scraped the bottom of the barrel and begged to borrow money to bring our boys home. After so many tears and sleepless nights, it happened. I was so confident last year at this time that we'd have the resources we needed. I was totally and completely wrong and that is the beauty of what God does. He provided everything we needed in His terms. I know how all of you waiting parents are feeling, all the uncertainty of adoption and the longing of your hearts. Hold fast that He will care for you and your babies in His own majestic way.

On another note, as a nurse practioner and adoptive mom, I feel obligated to tell you parents a few other "lessons" learned:

*Giardia rarely goes totally away without first initiating a TOTALLY lactose free diet. The gut needs time to recover after the therapy and many physicians may not know or recognize what a difference this makes.

*Ringworm is the norm but on black skin it rarely appears as a "ring." Most of the time, it is in bald spots on the scalp. Take lots of antifungal cream for everyone and be prepared to take oral treatment-point this out to your doc too because they may not know to recognize it.

Complete

Entitled Complete because Christmas Eve, as we were snowed in just the 6 of us, I rocked Zeke while listening to Etienne, Blake and Molly whispering to each other in the next room, and that is the word that overwhelmed me. Ezekiel fell asleep with a smile on his face, Etienne asked over and over about Baby Jesus and Molly and Blake prayed for children at Home of Hope. What else could I possibly need? Wow. I can't put words into the gratitude I feel for the miracle of my family.

A year ago, we were planning our BBQ fundraiser and just getting our dossier complete and only beginning to imagine what our future new family members would be like. Three months ago, I was praying that I could find the strength to survive the day, that Zeke wouldn't cringe when I touched him and that Etienne would just hold still enough to for me to catch my breath. God has worked so many miracles in our family and I wish I could put the faith and joy that I feel in my heart into anyone else who may doubt that their Creator loves them.

I know that much of our country was snowed in, church services were cancelled, family gatherings delayed, but this snow allowed us reflect on the simplicity of what Christmas really is. We don't need to open a lot of presents with a crowd of loved ones, we don't need to sing carols and light candles; we need only recall the true miracle of the King born into a stall on a cold night to save the world.

Just another parasite....

We are thankful to have official results from Zeke's labs last week. He does not have tuberculosis and he does not have HIV. Praise God! We don't yet have all the Hepatitis results and we continue to have several severely stinky diapers a day. He has taken the last expensive round of anti-parasitic treatment, but it could take a few weeks for his gut to recover and he has moved on to a lactose free diet. The parasite has resulted in these stats since Zeke's arrival:

-2100 baby wipes (thanks, Andy and Katie for the cases we didn't think we'd ever use up!)

-570 diapers

-40 days of Flagyl treatment

-mastering of some first English words including "yucky" and "stinky"

-a personal relationship with the HyVee pharmacist. At this point, I know him better than my neighbors.

A parasite is nothing the Ezekiel can't beat. God moves mountains everyday and a parasite is just a little mole hill.

My Little Hero

Mr Zeke was more than a trooper today. After reviewing all of Zeke's symptoms with the ID physician at Children's Omaha, she felt strongly that besides treating the giardia, we needed to retest him for a number of other diseases. This includes tuberculosis, HIV and the Hepatitis series. It isn't uncommon to test "false negative" when a child is nutritionally compromised, and then test positive after being in a healthier environment. In other words, this infectious disease doc may it pretty clear that she was "suspicious" of what was going on besides his parasite. We also have one more med to try orally ($45 with insurance!!!) before he needs IV therapy, so we are glad for that. I told the physician that this was nothing compared to all the mountains God had already moved for Ezekiel (and I didn't cry either!). So Zeke had 9 sticks before the lab could obtain enough blood. He visited radiology for awhile too and had a few other exams inbetween. The below pic is after he got his reward of french fries. We know that our Savior can move mountains, we've been blessed to witness His power in Zeke and Etienne's little lives, so we know that with faith, grace and prayers, Zeke's little body will test healthy soon. But my heart still needs reassurance.