Saturday, January 10, 2015

Last year at this time, I felt totally certain that the verse God hand stamped this verse on my heart for 2014:
"Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past! See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the desert." -Isaiah 43:18-19
Boom. That was it.  I felt this most certainly applied to the hard stuff in our house, to the new battles Imana Kids was getting ready to fight, and even to Crazy Town, our former "renter."  So I prayed and I dwelled and I studied this.
Rather than pray for my E, I tried praying more for myself.  Don't get me wrong, of course I continue to pray for all my children.  But I began to really be convicted that I needed to change me to change this family's dynamics, to help my son to heal.  I don't want to cause more trauma, and I felt like parents can do a lot of damage in trying to mold a hurt child into someone that God never intended them to be.  If that makes sense?
I started praying to be a "fun mommy" more.  I prayed aloud, in front of all my kids (we like accountability, right, moms? Why can't we be accountable to our children?) that I would be patient and my words would be kind.  That we could look at what God is doing, that He can and will make a way in the desert.  We started talking a lot about His Truths.
I am not going into details because I can summarize it with this:
Yesterday, 6 professionals that know our E well and care deeply for him could not tell us why or how, but that they can pinpoint a significant improvement in his behavior and his academic ability since November.  And that the improvements are consistent. Trauma parents, you all know consistency is so big.
We know the how and why.  We actually high fived each other in the meeting.
God is doing a new thing.  For E, in the past few months, his new thing is that he has been able to sleep through the night almost every single night.  This is life changing for our family of 6.
Sleep is something we haven't had in good amounts since we adopted our boys.  Sleep can't happen if you are really scared, if your brain is processing trauma or you are so overwhelmed and dis-regulated that you can not relax.
 And that's all I am going to write about for a spell.  You all have loved us well and I want to keep you updated from time to time.  At the risk of being offensive, I don't want parenting a child from a hard place to become an idol.  There is a fine line between therapeutic lamenting vs martyrdom.  I could continue to share with you the stories and conversations and moments that are surely more worthy of reality television than something the Kardashians did last week.  And I will, sometimes.
PS  Ezekiel still hasn't lost any baby teeth, which is a status thing in first grade.  Unless you are Ezekiel, and you consider growing multiple rows of teeth , like a shark, because you figure you'll never have to look silly with a "hole in your mouth."

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